Nick Cannonis leaning on his children as he mourns the death of his 5-month-old son, Zen.
In August, Cannon’s son, whom he shares with Alyssa Scott, was diagnosed with high-grade glioma, a rare and aggressive form of brain cancer.
CLIFTON PRESCOD
“Having to explain that to 10-year-olds (Moroccan and Monroe) and a 4-year-old (Golden) is pretty intense,” he says. “But their understanding and them being there for me probably helped me keep it together as well as really deal with it. Specifically, even, Roc and Roe. They were there for the entire journey.”
“I see it as a blessing that I got to be there,” says Cannon. “Alyssa says, ‘I think he was just waiting for you.’ "
Cannon first revealed the tragic news on his daytime talk showNick Cannonon Dec. 7.
Ryan Pfluger/August
“We had a short time with a true angel,” says Cannon. “My heart is shattered. I wish I could have done more, spent more time with him, taken more pictures. I wish I could have hugged him longer.”
Cannon says his daughter, Roe, has been one of his biggest supporters through it all.
“My daughter, really, she’s so in tune and in line and wise beyond her years,” he says. “I got a lot of therapists, but she’s probably my best therapist.”
“She keeps me in check,” he adds. “She’s so pure and so honest. To be 10, she asks some really strong and powerful questions. Really, just it’s all out of love. She’s my oldest child. Even though they’re twins, she came out first and she lets everybody know it. She’s helped me keep it strong.”
Never miss a story — sign up forPEOPLE’s free daily newsletterto stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from juicy celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.
imageSPACE/Shutterstock
Cannon, who is fully aware of the public’s questions about his “nonconventional” family and “unorthodox” lifestyle, says his number one priority will always be his children.
“I’m a father, first and foremost,” he says.“There’s a lot of guilt that I feel and I talk about this in therapy all the time. It’s rooted in not having enough time to spend with my loved ones, specifically my children, because I have a lot of children. I’m also spread so thin in my work because that’s how I cope. That’s how I deal with things. I have several jobs and several shows and movies and music, all that stuff. And I call myself a provider for many, but one thing no matter how much money I generate, one thing I can’t generate is time.”
“It’s not about quantity, it’s about quality,” he adds. “And it’s really just having quality moments with my children, quality moments with my family. Had a lot of quality moments with Zen in his short time here. I always say time is a manmade thing, but love and energy is a godsend.”
Taking in these sweet moments, Cannon shares that he was recently able to have all seven of his children in one place, at one time — for the first time.
“In September, my grandmother had her 80th birthday in San Diego. That was the first time I got to have all my kids in the same place at one time. We rented out this whole space for my entire family to be there. Obviously I have a huge family. It was probably just one of those times that I’ll never ever forget. It was so much love. That was probably one of the happiest moments even just my life, to be honest.”
As grief sets in, Cannon and Scott are focusing on the good that came from their short time with Zen.
For more from Nick Cannon, pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday, or subscribehere.
source: people.com
